Down Under Lingo, Part 2

The conversation below is close to the one I had with a bartender in Port Douglas, Queensland, Australia, near the Great Barrier Reef:

Bartender: G’day. [Hello]
Me: Hi. Do you have Bailey’s?
Bartender: Out of it, mate. [friend] Try the bottle shop (liquor store) down the street.
Me: The what?
Bartender: Bottle shop. They’ve got it.
Me: Never mind. What’s your most bitter beer?
Bartender: VB. [Victoria Bitter]
Me: Huh? OK, may I have that?
Bartender: Schooner? [a large glass]
Me: No, a VB.
Bartender: (Pours a large glass.) No worry, mate.
Me: By the way, where’s the rest room?
Bartender: Say again?
Me: The toilet.
Bartender: (Points.) The dunny [toilet] is over there.
Me: The what?
Bartender: The dunny [toilet].
Me: Oh. I thought you call it the loo.
Bartender: The Oz [Australian] vocabulary is rich enough to have more than one word for it.
Me: I guess. The weather is great here, considering it’s winter.
Bartender: Come in summer. You’ll see heaps of mozzies [mosquitoes] the size of your fist.
Me: Huh? (Taking the beer and leaving a tip.)
Bartender: You’re a good bloke. [man]


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Down Under Lingo, Part 1

I’m writing this and the next two posts from Australia, one for each week I’m here. Since this blog is about how we use language, I may as well write about my observations of Aussie Speak.

My impression of Australians now that I’ve walked the streets of both Sydney and Melbourne is no different from the impression I’ve gotten of them throughout my previous world travels. They’re a lot like Americans. They’re as friendly toward us as we are toward them. They eat burgers and pizza like we do, and live on take-out food. They’re beginning to struggle with the same obesity problems as Americans. They share a common history in warfare over the past century: World War I, World War II, Korean War, Vietnam War, and Iraqi War. They have a shameful past, as we do; their treatment of Aboriginals roughly equates to our treatment of Native Americans. They’re big fans of American cinema—and extremely proud of their contributions to it (e.g., Peter Weir, Russell Crowe, and Cate Blanchett). They’re put off by snobs, as are most Americans. True, the average Sydney citizen is a lot more laid back than the New Yorker, but they love sports, albeit different ones (cricket and rugby). Their attitude toward vacation has got ours beat—they do take off more time. While they do have their own slang, I would not go so far as saying that they more resemble the English than the Americans. Playwright George Bernard Shaw is credited with proclaiming, “England and America are two countries separated by the same language,” but I definitely do not get that feeling here in Australia. So while our languages are a bit different, our attitudes are basically the same.

Nevertheless, an American might still emerge puzzled from a conversation with an Aussie. Here’s one I had with a hotel clerk while checking into my room:

Clerk: You’re American, eh?
Me: Yeah.
Clerk: See any roos [kangaroos] since you’ve been Down Under? [Australia]
Me: Excuse me?
Clerk: You’re not likely to see them as much as you’d like in Oz [Australia] unless you’re in the outback [back country]. Me oldies [parents] live there. Those roos come on their property all the time. Once one came running up on me so suddenly, I didn’t make it to the loo. [toilet]
Me: So is this your full-time job?
Clerk: For now. Beats being a dole-bludger [a career welfare recipient]
Me: So you like it?
Clerk: For now. But in a few weeks, I’ll be starting uni. [the university]
Me: May I have the keys to my room? I need to use the roo.
Clerk: (laughs) That’s loo, mate.


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Snap Out of It: Text-Message Style Doesn’t Cut It!

Attention recent college graduates: You’re no longer in the dorm.

When speaking of e-mail style, this is my mantra: “I’d rather you call me a stuffed shirt than rude or silly.” So when writing thank-you messages—or any business message—whether they be in the form of a letter, e-mail, or text message, use the conventions of Standard English.

I was glad to see a Wall Street Journal article agree with me (July 29, 2008, D1). Satirically titled “Thx for the IView!” Reporter Sarah E. Needleman describes several examples from the corporate world when job candidates lost employment opportunities or at least their credibility because they wrote with an inappropriately informal style. Here are just two of several lessons learned from the article:

1. Don’t message the interviewer’s mobile phone unless he or she has given you permission to do so.
2. Use only the best style and language you can muster in any correspondence with the interviewer.

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Begin with the Most Important Point

The tip “begin with the most important point” from my book The Art of E-Mail Writing has been useful for many of my clients. Suppose you wrote in first draft the following sentence:

If we do not have an extra laptop and when the three rush jobs come into the office simultaneously while we are revising the employee handbook for the company-wide orientation program, which is an executive priority, then, because we will not have sufficient equipment even though we have the needed staff, we may not meet the client deadlines.

Phew! I’m still hyperventilating from reading that one! Even if this 58-word sentence finally makes sense to you, it will have lost all its impact by the time you figure it out. Where is the most important point? At the end—so start there!

We may not meet client deadlines without an extra laptop, even though we have the needed staff. Our office cannot process the three rush jobs on time while meeting the executive priority of revising the employee handbook for the company-wide orientation program.

Notice the decreased word count, now 42 words, and the more powerful word usage—all because you’ve begun with the most important point!

Keep the Subject and Verb Closely Connected

When the subject and verb of your sentence are far apart, you’ll surely cause your reader’s head to spin in a sea of confusion. In the examples below, observe the word count in each sample is identical (34 words), yet the second draft is far clearer. That’s because the subject and verb (italicized) are closely connected.

Unclear: When an employee applies for a new position in the Company, factors such as professional credentials, employee appraisals, manager and peer recommendation, project involvement, training completed, educational achievement, and interview responses must be considered.

Clearer: When an employee applies for a new position in the Company, management must consider all factors, including professional credentials, employee appraisals, manager and peer recommendation, project involvement, training completed, educational achievement, and interview responses.

In Politics, What’s the Point in Getting to the Point?

Here’s a quote from the you’ve-got-to-laugh-at-this-one files. Before Senator Hillary Clinton suspended her presidential campaign, this is how she responded to a question about challenging the seating of maverick delegates from Michigan and Florida in the Democratic primary: “Well, we are going to look at that and make a determination at some point. But I haven’t made any decision at this time” (New York Times, June 2, 2008, page A1).

A more concise statement would have been “We will decide, but not now.”—from 24 words to 6 words. But such is the stuff of politics.

Powerful Points from "Style", Part 7

Joseph M. Williams begins his last of ten lessons in Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace with a clever German proverb: Loquacity and lying are cousins.

The examples he uses in this lesson, which focuses on the ethical obligations of the writer, are both instructive and compelling. For instance, in a dispute, should we report by blaming the conflict on the bickering parties or on the historical circumstances in which they find themselves? Is intentional obfuscation ever the right thing to do? Williams explores these and other questions with a clarity and grace of his own.


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