On Writing for the Web, Part 4: Editing for Conciseness

To close this four-part series on writing for the web, let's review the first three parts: first, analyze your audience; second, address your audience's concerns; and third, start with the points most important to your audience. This last installment covers editing for conciseness, because you don't want to waste your audience's time.

1. Remove repetitive ideas. Repetition can be helpful when speaking to drive points home and stimulate retention, but it is less valuable when writing. Here is a repetitive passage I saw in a company's intranet:

Thanks for your generous contributions to our fundraising campaign. We appreciate your thoughtful donations. (14 words)

Both sentences have the same meaning, so the delete the second one:

Thanks for your generous contributions to our fundraising campaign. (9 words) 

 Here's another one from a company's website:

We are concerned about your security, and our latest XYZ technology will ensure your data is secure 24/7. (18 words)

Did you pick up the repetitive security and secure clauses? You have a few choices here, but I'll keep them to two:

Our latest XYZ technology will address your security concerns 24/7. (10 words)

Your data will be secure with our latest XYZ technology. (10 words)  

2. Undo unnecessary words and phrases. Some words add value and others simply do not in a given context. If you were comparing the current system with the proposed system, the adjectives current and proposed matter for clear contrast and parallel form. But we nearly never need the adverb currently, as in:

I am currently completing the analysis. (6 words)

The continuous tense am completing takes care of currently:

I am completing the analysis. (5 words)  

Some phrases exist apparently just to sound important, but discerning readers know they add zero value:

In the year 2019, the S&P 500 rose up by 30.43%. (11 words)

In 2019, the S&P 500 rose 30.43% (7 words)

We know 2019 is a year in the context of the sentence and rising obviously goes up. Even the preposition by seems unnecessary to a fluent speaker. Notice the huge real estate wasters in this next example: 

Please be advised that in the month of July, 14th Street between First Avenue and Second Avenue will be closed to vehicular traffic. (23 words)

In July, 14th Street between First and Second Avenues will be closed to vehicles. (14 words)

Four blunders appear in this sentence: 1) Whenever we write anything, we are advising our readers, so we don't need to tell them we are. 2) Readers needs no reminder that July is a month. 3) Avenue can be changed to Avenues to cover First and Second. 4) Logic dictates that if vehicles can't enter the area, neither can traffic. Here's another example more common in email:     

My name is Philip Vassallo. I am writing to let you know that it was brought to my attention that at this point in time we are not monitoring the area on a day-to-day basis. (35 words)

We are no longer monitoring the area daily. (8 words)

Is this example an exaggeration? Maybe, but I still see all those unnecessary phrases in email:

• I don't need to introduce myself, as my name and title are in my signature block, and if I don't have a complete signature block, I should. 
• I am writing is a false start. In fact, it is inaccurate because by the time you are reading this message, I am not writing it.
• To let you know that is another way of saying the useless please be advised that.
• The passive voice it was brought to my attention adds the unhelpful idea of someone telling me rather than what I need to tell you.
• At this point in time falls under the same category as currently, only worse with the extra words, because of the continuous tense are not monitoring.
• On a day-to-day basis is not a more important way of saying daily, as some writers claim; it is just more verbose.

3. Trash trite transitions. (Say that five times fast!) Many high school composition teachers would say I am committing a sin by calling for the elimination of transitions. But too often such transitions are painfully obvious at best and intelligence insults at worst. Here are three cases in point of disposable transitions:

As you know, economic indicators are showing increases in nearly every sector of the global economy. What this means is that the worldwide recession is finally reversing after nearly a decade of stagnation. In summary, investors are looking for aggressive growth funds.

People say they write as you know for those readers who know whatever they are writing about, or to let those who do not know it realize they should. Then why say it? This is not too deep a question. The clause is unjustifiable.

What this means that attempts to show a causal relationship between two sentences. Again, readers will usually understand the relationship without what this means that, in effect, or as a result. See if inserting any on those three phrases between the sentences below would bring greater clarity to them. I think not:

• Last year we closed our California production facility. We no longer have a presence on the West coast. 
• Sales have decreased by 5 percent year over year. The CEO has bolstered our sales team to reverse this decline. 

Finally, the phrases in summary and in conclusion are generally lame ways of wrapping up a discussion. We know it's in summary: the phrase starts the last sentence or paragraph.

Making every word matter is vital to online writers who want their readers to capture their message. Employing these three tips, as well as those in the previous three installments of this series, will go a long way toward achieving that goal.

On Writing for the Web, Part 3: Hitting the High Points

You can distill the four parts of this series on writing for the web to one word: audience. Part 1 of this series looks at analyzing your audience in the planning stage of writing, part 2 asks you to look at whether your draft addresses your audience's concerns, this part looks at elevating those concerns for your audience with a powerful style, and in the next post part 4 offers tips for making every word matter to your audience. Audience, audience, audience, audience—just in case I didn't say it enough.

How do we heighten our audience's concerns? By bringing the key point to the top of the message. Let's look at a well written example from "Investing in 2020: A Year to Be Selective," which I accessed today from the website of investment banking giant Morgan Stanley:

What a difference a year can make. At this time in 2019, major U.S. stock indices had logged their worst yearly performance in a decade. While the start of 2019 may have felt rocky, investors ultimately witnessed a remarkable year. The S&P 500, the broad U.S. stock market benchmark, rose more than 30% and now sits at or near all-time highs, while the main bond benchmark, the Barclay's Capital U.S. Aggregate Index, gained around 9%—both up three times their long-term annual averages.

The first sentence, only seven words, is the key point of this paragraph. The second sentence starts by pointing to the bad year of 2018 without mentioning it, and by placing this information in a clause beginning with while to minimize its value in contrast with what follows it, namely the good news of a remarkable year. The third sentence gives the supporting data, concluding a powerfully focused and articulate paragraph. 

Placing that short first sentence at the end of the paragraph would make it appear amateurish and melodramatic. We read online looking for the key points upfront. 

Perhaps delaying the point works well in fiction writing, where suspenseful writing leads to page-turning, engaging reading. Here's a self-written fictitious example of placing the key point at the end of a paragraph for humorous effect:

This morning I woke up remembering I had not checked the mailbox the night before. Since it was still dark, I thought it was all right to step out into the cold winter air in my underwear, as the mailbox is only five feet from my front door. There I found only one item, a letter from the IRS demanding an audit of my tax returns for the past five years. Trembling, as much from the letter as from the Arctic temperatures, I then realized I had locked myself out of the house. I began knocking, and then banging, on the door for my sleeping wife to wake up and rescue me. No response. Except for a stray dog that leaped on me and bit my thigh before running off in the darkness. At this point I was shivering and screaming in pain while banging on the front door. Within seconds a police officer pulled up his car on my driveway and handcuffed me, half-naked, frost-bitten, and bleeding, unwilling to listen to my raving about accidentally locking myself out of my own house as he shoved me headfirst into the patrol car before whisking me off to the police station. I am having a bad day.

That last six-word sentence is an amusing understatement, but it is an example of the kind of writing you'd be better off avoiding if you were writing for the web.

On Writing for the Web, Part 2: Using the Talking Points

Part 1 of this series examines audience analysis in writing for the web. In fact, all four parts of this series rely on a deep understanding of audience: their tolerance for detail, comfort with rhetorical approaches, familiarity with varied syntax, and preference of vocabulary. This post covers level of detail for your online content.

The most valuable tip I can give is to create talking points. Each sentence you write says some specific thing, often more than one thing. You should have names for the things you express. Look at this example:

Our company was founded in 1991. At the beginning of the internet explosion, we created an online presence. Our clients, in turn, needed to reach a larger marketplace for their products and services in an increasingly global economy.  We have helped numerous organizations big and small brand themselves to a worldwide audience. 

This passage has 4 sentences and 52 words, but bean-counting should be at the bottom of our quality control list. First, let's call out the talking points, making sure we limit the points to no more than one or two words, such as problem, impact, method, cause, options, solution, benefits, and plan:

• History – Our company was founded in 1991. 
• History – At the beginning of the internet explosion, we created an online presence. 
• History – Our clients, in turn, needed to reach a larger marketplace for their products and services in an increasingly global economy.  
• Achievement – We have helped numerous organizations big and small brand themselves to a worldwide audience.

Our first problem with this passage is having the most important sentence, the achievement, buried at the bottom of a history paragraph—not a good idea. Second, we have a lot more history than we have achievement. Third, we are combining two ideas into one paragraph. By calling out the talking points, we might rewrite the passage like this: 

Since our founding in 1991, we have helped numerous organizations big and small brand themselves to a worldwide audience. At the beginning of the internet explosion, we created an online presence. Our clients, in turn, needed to reach have reached a larger marketplace for their products and services in an increasingly global economy.  

By bringing the achievement sentence to the top of the passage, we have entirely eliminated the need for history with 2 sentences and 36 words, a 50% sentence and 31% word reduction. Far more importantly, we have a more effective audience-focused message.

You can use the talking-point method for any kind of content. It will transform your online writing to a style aligned with your audience's concerns.

On Writing for the Web, Part 1: Addressing the Audience

This post begins a four-part series on writing for the web, whether blogging, tweeting, or posting on sites like Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube.

Start with addressing your audience. If you have a new enterprise to promote, a Great American Novel to sell, or a vacation site to recommend, always consider how that business, book, or bungalow relates to your readers. You wouldn't want to sell igloos in Ecuador or roller skates at the Mount Everest base camp. You would surely want to address the potential buyers, in other words, the right audience. This is a three-step task: identify, plan, and find.

1. Identify 
You can best identify your audience by answering a few questions:

• What is their demographic profile (sex, age, race, ethnicity, religion, education, income, occupation)?
• How much of their information do they get from reading social media?
• What keeps them up at night?
• Why and how does your content address their concerns? 

These questions are just a starter. They often lead to other questions, so keep your mind open for those flowing ideas.

2. Plan
Now you should be prepared to answer not only those questions, but to respond to them with a clear approach. For example, if affordable healthcare keeps them up at night, explain how your enterprise addresses that concern. Write down those answers and responses, so you will do the writer's equivalent of talking the talk. Those notes you compile will inform your approach to writing social media. 

3. Find
Finally, you've got to locate that audience. Where do they go to stay connected? Do they read posts on LinkedIn? Facebook? Tweets on Twitter? Blogs? Are they more interested in vlogs on YouTube? Go where they go.

Social Media and Communication, Part 4: Selecting Content

In determining what is and is not acceptable to post on your social media platform, keep in mind these guidelines:

• Set clear expectations - Tell your appointed contributors about the kind of content that you want and why you want it. The why goes back to establishing your aim.
• Loosen the leash - You already have chosen your contributors wisely, so now it's time to give them the space to get creative without the worry of constantly wondering whether you are looking over their shoulders, ready to censor them.
• Uphold your organization's dignity - You still may find times that censorship is important, including when a writer might be posting a message for irrelevant political purposes; for unfair criticism or inflammatory commentary directed toward an individual, group, or idea; for self-promoting messages that override the organizational image. Remember: you're paying for the platform and the contributors, so you retain the right to determine the content.
• Control the quality of the language - Needless to say, you have selected contributors not only for their understanding of your aim but for the command of language. The quality of writing must be there. This means the content must be relevant and complete; the paragraphs must be organized, emphatic, and focused; the sentences must be clear, concise, and direct; and the words must be correct and appropriate.
• Debrief regularly - Meet your contributors periodically--the more frequently the better--to tell them which posts ring truest to your ideal for the platform and which could have been improved with the inclusion or deletion of a certain content.

Social Media and Communication, Part 3: Authorizing Users

Once you answer the questions about establishing the aim of your social media platform, it's time to decide who will contribute to it. You should decide on this issue in two parts:

• Internal Contributors - who on the staff will be allowed to post regularly on the platform  
• External Contributors - whether you will allow limited or unlimited comments or likes from your readership

These are not easy decisions, as they will determine the ultimate style and content of the platform, which I will discuss in the next post of WORDS ON THE LINE.

Social Media and Communication, Part 2: Establishing the Aim

The first order of business in social networking is establishing an aim. This means clearly answering a series of questions:

• Will the platform be for employees only? For select clients? For the world?
• Is your aim to deliver valuable industry-specific information to readers?
• How relevant should the information be to the products and services you deliver? 
• Will you use the platform to announce new products or services? 
• Is the idea to get your staff more involved in pushing the organization's message? 
• Are you using the platform trying to increase your organization's visibility? 
• Will you use it to bring people to your sales center website?
• Will it use advertisements as a source of generating income?
• What should the platform look like?
• Do you want it to maintain an image that matches the formality level of your organizational brand, or do you want it to be less formal?
• Should you maintain only one platform, or have one platform for each service or group of services?
• Do you have the necessary staff to keep the platform fresh and dynamic?

You'll have a lot of questions to answer before going live, but you should weigh each of them carefully and articulate your answers unequivocally.

Social Media and Communication, Part 1: Creating a Policy

When something new happens to you two times in the same week, you take notice; when it happens three times, as it had to me last week, you think you're experiencing a trend. Within days of each other, three of my clients talked to me about their new social media policy to regulate staff usage of social media platforms not only at work but after hours as well if staff choose to identify themselves as employees of the company. 


Two points make this phenomenon important:

• The three clients are in entirely different industries (education, investment banking, and transportation). Anecdotal as this data may seem, I take it to mean that the concern is pervasive.
• All three have an email policy, as do most organizations, but felt compelled to create a social media policy because message boards, blogs, and other community e-communication tools such as Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter are far different from email.

Companies will have a hard time completely forbidding the use social media because they themselves are deeply invested in a social media presence of their own, and they will likely encourage their staff to contribute to these platforms. 


Over the next three posts of Words on the Line, I will share best practices for those who are creating a social media policy of their own or modifying the one they already have.