"I hope this message finds you well."

"I hope this email finds you well ... I hope you are doing fine ... I hope you are having a good day ... I hope you had a good weekend ..."

Ugh! Who are we kidding? We all know how disingenuous those openers come across. Besides, they have nothing to do with the message that follows. I recently received this email starter from a client:

I hope this email finds you well. We are cancelling your class next Thursday due to insufficient space. 

Really? She just ruined my day! 

I admit that I have felt compelled to use that sentence myself when I am working for one of several corporations or government agencies whose leaders have made clear to me their expectation for staff to open written messages that way. But who says a CEO is infallible? Most of us correctly read that sentence as timewasting, thoughtless, insincere, and useless, even incongruous or ridiculous. I usually don't open that way and prefer not to.

I am a big proponent of using courteous language. A tone-sensitive opening of "Good day" or a specific comment connecting you to your reader, such as "Thank you for attending the meeting this morning," would work better. I really do hope my message finds you well, but there are better ways to express that sentiment.

Knowing When Not to Send That Message

One of the best lessons a developing business writer can learn is not to put some things in writing. Online transactions, social media, and instant messaging have forced us to redefine the concept of privacy. Knowing that we're all over the place as it is, and our stuff might end up where it should not be, we should remember these guidelines:

• Do not inundate readers with forgettable email strings whose shifting meaning with each addition engenders confusion.
• Do not fire off an email to someone who has just upset you, as you'll be sure to deliver a purposeless message.
• Do not write an email if you are wondering whether you should—go with your gut and refrain. 

I hope you're having a nice day ...

This dialogue is a recurring one in my writing workshops:

Learner: Is it OK to open an email by writing, "I hope you're having a nice day" or "I hope all is well"? 

Phil: Do you write those openings? 

Learner: Yeah.

Phil: And no one calls you out on them?

Learner: No.

Phil: Then you answered your question.  

While I find little value in those all-too-often disingenuous statements, many managers expect their staff to open with such niceties. I do understand the importance of setting the right tone, as business depends on cultivating strong relationships. 

Meanwhile, some employees do more damage by following those gracious greetings with abrasive demands or gratuitous accusations, sending misdirected missives, copying staff who have no business receiving the message, and forwarding purposeless email strings leading nowhere. 

My point: Be your word. Don't say you hope someone is having a great day only to ruin it for them.

How to Tone It Down

The great American composer Irving Berlin once said, “Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.” With this thought in mind, I mention in almost every writing class I present that how you write something (tone) is as important as what you write (content).

During one of my recent courses, Rita Hein, an analyst in the Worker’s Compensation Unit for the New York State Metropolitan Transportation Authority, proved that she has a deep understanding of tone. Ms. Hein wrote a proposal for changing certain work responsibilities to her manager. In her first draft, she wrote in a style reflective of her personal relationship with her manager; in her second draft, she wisely chose a less personal style in case the proposal would go to upper management. Notice below in an excerpt from the justification section that she removes herself from the second draft to create a more appropriately bureaucratic feel:

First Draft (personal): This change would enable me to allocate more time for preparing files for Workers’ Compensation Board hearings.

Second Draft (impersonal): This change would enable the allocation of more time for preparing files for Workers’ Compensation Board hearings.

In the second draft of her concluding statement, the writer once again removes herself from the sentence and chooses the passive voice to make the narrative more objective and impersonal.

First Draft (personal): Upon your approval, I can set aside one hour a day for the next four days to train Colleen in the procedures of her new assignments.

Second Draft (impersonal): If this proposal is approved, one hour a day for the next four days would be set aside to train Colleen in the procedures of her new assignments.

Careful writers like Ms. Hein judiciously use active or passive voice and add or remove personal pronouns to keep the writer focused on the point and not on the egos involved. The result will surely mean faster action.


To purchase your copy of The Art of On-the-Job Writing by Philip Vassallo, click here: http://firstbooks.com/shop/shopexd.asp?id=144

More on Keeping Emotions in Check

To remember the value of keeping emotions in check when crafting a business message, a writer should need nothing more than to live up to the Chinese proverb, "The palest ink is better than the best memory."

No matter how upset you are, anger does not belong in business writing. After you cool off, your angry document lives on. Let your high emotions motivate you to write the first draft--but then sit on your hands and don't press the send button. Weed out the pointless anger or disappointment in favor of purposefull, direct language. Move the business forward!

Respect Your Readers: Write a Courteous Cover Note

Here's a quick tip for sending attachments to emails: Write a cover note that at least describes the attachment and provides your full name. Not doing so is careless at best and rude at worst.

I often receive e-mails from people I hardly know whose entire message looks like this:


To:vassallo@aol.com
From: smoore@nyc.gov
Re: (no subject)
Date: 1 April 2005, 10:23 a.m. EST
Attachment: FY05-06EPS-MWR2.doc


That's it. I suppose this unknown person thinks I can read his mind. The least the sender could have done was write:


Phil,

Attached is the Midwest Region 2 estimated production schedule for Fiscal Year 2005-06.

Sam Moore


Remember that this common courtesy is a sign of respect, so respect your readers!