Improving Style Through Syntax, Part 17: Using Active Voice for Clarity, Conciseness, Fluency

Since numerous posts about voice appear on this blog, I will not get into much theory. You can read about the difference between active and passive, when active is better, when passive is better, and five ways to change a passive sentence into an active one: (1) change the subject, (2) change the verb, (3) change the passive verb to a noun, (4) change the passive verb to an adjective. or (5) delete the occasional superfluous passive verb. 

Knowing how to use active voice will improve your style for three reasons:

1. Clarity 

Passive (unclear doers): You will be informed on Monday of the decision that will be made.
Active (clear doers): I will inform you on Monday of Al's decision.

2. Conciseness

Passive (17 words): You will be informed by me on Monday of the decision that will be made by Al.
Active: (9 words): I will inform you on Monday of Al's decision.

3. Fluency

Passive (awkward); The decision that will be made will be sent to you on Monday.
Active (fluent): I will send you Al's decision on Monday.

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Read previous posts in this series:

Part 1: Grouping and Dropping Prepositional Phrases

Part 2: Dropping Pronouns for Clarity

Part 3: Dropping Pronouns for Conciseness

Part 4: Avoiding—No, Managing—the Comma Splice

Part 5: Remedying Run-ons

Part 6: Freeing Fragments

Part 7: Placing Adverbs

Part 8: Placing Adjectives

Part 9: Placing Prepositional Phrases

Part 10: Placing Conjunctions

Part 11: Placing Interjections

Part 12: Placing Verbs

Part 13: Placing Nouns

Part 14: Placing Pronouns 

Part 15: Keeping Parallel Form

Part 16: Breaking Parallel Form

Improving Style Through Syntax, Part 16: Breaking Parallel Form

Once you get a reputation as a good writer, good readers will expect parallel structure from you. What better time, then, to break parallel structure for surprise? Here are two examples, the first from fiction writing and the second from business writing.

The street was empty, quiet, and eerie. 

This sentence is perfectly parallel with its three adjectives describing the street. But the next sentence, which departs from the standard, is more interesting:

The street was empty, quiet, and she knew she would be putting her life at the mercy of anyone lurking in those alleyways. 

This next example, again using strong parallel structure, is typical of commendation writing:

Carla's proactive, creative, and diligent approach to project planning has contributed greatly to our team's success. 

But consider the contrasting pleasure of reading this sentence because of its emphasis on the last attribute:

Carla's proactive, creative approach to project management, as well as her diligence in meeting deadlines, has contributed greatly to our team's success. 

Of course, don't overdo your defection from parallel structure, but messing with your readers' sensibilities from time to time can't hurt. In fact, it might make them better readers.

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Read previous posts in this series:

Part 1: Grouping and Dropping Prepositional Phrases

Part 2: Dropping Pronouns for Clarity

Part 3: Dropping Pronouns for Conciseness

Part 4: Avoiding—No, Managing—the Comma Splice

Part 5: Remedying Run-ons

Part 6: Freeing Fragments

Part 7: Placing Adverbs

Part 8: Placing Adjectives

Part 9: Placing Prepositional Phrases

Part 10: Placing Conjunctions

Part 11: Placing Interjections

Part 12: Placing Verbs

Part 13: Placing Nouns

Part 14: Placing Pronouns 

Part 15: Keeping Parallel Form 

Improving Style Through Syntax, Part 15: Keeping Parallel Form

Over the past 15 years, I have written extensively in this blog about parallel structure: in a two-part series (4/29-5//05/05), a follow-up three-part series (3/15-29/15), a 20-part series "Starting with What Matters" (12/17/17-5/3/18), a 25-part series "Splendid Sentences" (11/27/18-7/26/18), and a post on plain language  (3/7/16). I have heard more than once that my interest in parallelism borders on obsession. Maybe so, but I am convinced that understanding and using this grammatical device will improve your writing style. 

Parallel structure requires us to write like ideas in grammatically consistent terms. Here are some examples with the nonparallel words and phrases struck through and the preferable parallel words italicized:

• Parallel Verbs – Call the client, post the invoice, and an email should be sent to email the project manager.
• Parallel Nouns – She will meet the supervisor, dispatcher, and the staff person who does the price estimating estimator. 
• Parallel Adjectives –  The director is articulate, thoughtful, and he is really kind to his staff kind.

To get a better picture of parallel  structure, read the posts noted in the first paragraph. In the next post, I'll explore when breaking parallel form makes sense.

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Read previous posts in this series:

Part 1: Grouping and Dropping Prepositional Phrases

Part 2: Dropping Pronouns for Clarity

Part 3: Dropping Pronouns for Conciseness

Part 4: Avoiding—No, Managing—the Comma Splice

Part 5: Remedying Run-ons

Part 6: Freeing Fragments

Part 7: Placing Adverbs

Part 8: Placing Adjectives

Part 9: Placing Prepositional Phrases

Part 10: Placing Conjunctions

Part 11: Placing Interjections

Part 12: Placing Verbs

Part 13: Placing Nouns

Part 14: Placing Pronouns 

Improving Style Through Syntax, Part 14: Placing Pronouns

The use of a complement with a linking verb causes problems, especially with pronouns. The general rule for using the linking verb requires us not to change the pronoun, wherever its position in the sentence. 

Oh yeah? Look at these three examples:

1. He is the problem, or, The problem is he.
2. They are the workers, or, The workers are they.
3. It is I, or, I am it.

In example 1, He is the problem sounds natural to the native ear, but The problem is he does not. Most articulate people would say The problem is him.

In example 2, the same problem arises. They are the workers sounds fine, but The workers are they does not, and I doubt I ever heard the sentence inverted to The workers are them. We just start that sentence with the pronoun they.

I saved the best for last. In example 3, both sentences represent a fluency problem. We all say It is me, not It is I. While I am it may  sound strange, notice it would sound far worse if I said I is it, which I am saying in the "correct" It is I. And can you imagine saying It am I, which the rule seems to call for?

Don't obsess over this arcane rule. When writing, if it sounds right to you, write it that way. 

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Read previous posts in this series:

Part 1: Grouping and Dropping Prepositional Phrases

Part 2: Dropping Pronouns for Clarity

Part 3: Dropping Pronouns for Conciseness

Part 4: Avoiding—No, Managing—the Comma Splice

Part 5: Remedying Run-ons

Part 6: Freeing Fragments

Part 7: Placing Adverbs

Part 8: Placing Adjectives

Part 9: Placing Prepositional Phrases

Part 10: Placing Conjunctions

Part 11: Placing Interjections

Part 12: Placing Verbs

Part 13: Placing Nouns