Improving Style Through Syntax, Part 16: Breaking Parallel Form

Once you get a reputation as a good writer, good readers will expect parallel structure from you. What better time, then, to break parallel structure for surprise? Here are two examples, the first from fiction writing and the second from business writing.

The street was empty, quiet, and eerie. 

This sentence is perfectly parallel with its three adjectives describing the street. But the next sentence, which departs from the standard, is more interesting:

The street was empty, quiet, and she knew she would be putting her life at the mercy of anyone lurking in those alleyways. 

This next example, again using strong parallel structure, is typical of commendation writing:

Carla's proactive, creative, and diligent approach to project planning has contributed greatly to our team's success. 

But consider the contrasting pleasure of reading this sentence because of its emphasis on the last attribute:

Carla's proactive, creative approach to project management, as well as her diligence in meeting deadlines, has contributed greatly to our team's success. 

Of course, don't overdo your defection from parallel structure, but messing with your readers' sensibilities from time to time can't hurt. In fact, it might make them better readers.

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Read previous posts in this series:

Part 1: Grouping and Dropping Prepositional Phrases

Part 2: Dropping Pronouns for Clarity

Part 3: Dropping Pronouns for Conciseness

Part 4: Avoiding—No, Managing—the Comma Splice

Part 5: Remedying Run-ons

Part 6: Freeing Fragments

Part 7: Placing Adverbs

Part 8: Placing Adjectives

Part 9: Placing Prepositional Phrases

Part 10: Placing Conjunctions

Part 11: Placing Interjections

Part 12: Placing Verbs

Part 13: Placing Nouns

Part 14: Placing Pronouns 

Part 15: Keeping Parallel Form