Words Need to Find Their Place, Part 4

In this final post on misplaced or dangling modifiers, we'll look at ambiguous meanings appearing at the end of the sentence, as we already looked at problems in the beginning and middle of sentences. This is the sample sentence:

Carol works the late shift with pleasure, usually.

The word usually just hangs at the end without a clear reference, as we are left wondering whether it refers to Carol's work shift or to her pleasure. Here are two improvements to the sentence:

• Carol usually works the late shift, and she enjoys it.
• Carol usually enjoys working the late shift.

Remembering to edit for this common sentence problem will sharpen the clarity of your message, so be on the lookout for unintended meanings.  

Words Need to Find Their Place, Part 3

The previous WORDS ON THE LINE post showed how and why misplaced modifiers appear in sentence beginnings. In this post, I'll explain how and why they show up in the middle of sentences. Here is our sample: 

The manager told me frequently to break.

The problematic modifier is frequently because this adverb is trapped between two verbs, told and to break, either of which it can modify. Did the manager tell me frequently to take a break once, or did he tell me once to take a break more than once? The fix is to get the adverb as far away as possible from the verb it does not modify. Depending on what the writer intended, either of these sentences would be clearer:

• The manager frequently told me to break.
• The manager told me to break frequently.

Words Need to Find Their Place, Part 2

Since words and phrases can be misplaced in the beginning, middle, or ending of a sentence, we will look at these one at a time because reveal different writing problems.

Here is an example of a confusing sentence caused by a misplaced idea in the opening: Directing the project expertly, the staff thanked Ms. Davis.

The sentence says that the staff directed the project expertly, but a reader would infer that Ms. Davis directed the project expertly since she was receiving their appreciation. Two better ways of writing the sentence would be:

• Since Ms. Davis directed the project expertly, she was thanked by the staff.
• The staff thanked Ms. Davis for directing the project expertly.

When we place dependent phrases or clauses in the beginning of sentences, we need to make sure they are next to the word they modify.

Words Need to Find Their Place, Part 1

Words and phrases in the wrong place can create unintended meaning, which can cause laughter at best but a potential lawsuit at worst. Grammarians call this problem dangling or misplaced modifiers.

Consider this example of a misplaced word: In my office, more men wear earrings than women. Are you picturing the bizarre image of some men wearing women around the office? The sentence makes more sense this way: In my office, more men than women wear earrings.

But sometimes the image is not comical at all and can lead to a litigious situation. Take this case from a municipal government manager's test: Jim was cautioned for not sweeping the corridors on several occasions. In a progressive disciplinary context, he should receive:
A. a verbal warning
B. a written warning
C. a formal probationary notice
D. a termination notice

The tester wanted the choice of B, believing that the employee was cautioned on several occasions, but the sentence says that he was cautioned only once for not sweeping the corridors more than once. Someone who noticed the flawed thinking in the test question, and who failed the test by one point, successfully filed a grievance, exposing either the linguistic ineptness or editorial laziness of the tester.

The point is simple: the position of words in a sentence can make a big difference in the intended meaning. More about this in the next three posts.  

Points on Parallel Structure, Part 3

Parallel structure appears in sentences, as seen in Part 1 and Part 2 of this series, and in lists. Our use of a bulleted or numbered list signals that we are creating a parallel relationship. Here are two examples of nonparallel lists and their improved parallel versions.

Nonparallel: Our company provides four significant advantages:

• A national network with lower costs.  
• Comprehensive healthcare services that are second to none.
• Service excellence.
• We have a trusted brand. 

Parallel: Our company is a trusted brand because it provides four significant advantages:

• a national network
• lower cost
• comprehensive healthcare coverage
• excellent customer service 

Nonparallel: Follow these steps when securing the office:

1. Inform Security that you will be the last person to leave.
2. Go to the thermostat to lower the heat to 55 degrees.
3. Check that the alarm is set properly.
4. Using the keypad, lock the door.

 Parallel: Follow these steps when securing the office: 

1. Inform Security that you will be the last person to leave.
2. Set the thermostat to 55 degrees.
3. Set the alarm.
4. Lock the door with the keypad.

All of this is to say that good writing takes time, so take it. 

Points on Parallel Structure, Part 2

Parallel structure is the arrangement of like ideas in grammatically consistent terms. Parallel structure appears in all sorts of series: nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. Our job as writers is to align those nonparallel expressions in parallel form.

Nonparallel Nouns: Anne will meet with the plant manager, the supervisor of line, and the person who does the pricing.

Parallel Nouns: Anne will meet with the plant manager, line supervisor, and cost estimator.

 

Nonparallel Verbs: Bill does field assessments, writes reports, presenting key findings during briefings.

 Parallel Verbs: Bill assesses field conditions, writes reports, and presents key findings.

 

Nonparallel Adjectives: Carmen is conscientious, creative, and she collaborates well.

Parallel Adjectives: Carmen is conscientious, creative, and collaborative.

Nonparallel Adverbs: Dennis furnished the model with great speed, accurately, and he was thorough.

Parallel Adverbs: Dennis furnished the model quickly, accurately, and thoroughly.

 

Points on Parallel Structure, Part 1

People who know their job do not mess up on the big words, but they do on the little ones. By "big words," I mean the terminology specific to a field. For examples, project-managing engineers would not misuse the terms beneficial use and substantial completion, scientists correctly use in situ and in vitro, all attorneys know how to use lis pendens and pendente lite, accountants get the difference between appreciation and depreciation, and doctors would not err in distinguishing between electrocardiogram and electroencephalogram. 

But the small stuff? This is where we all need to take a second look. For instance, use of the simple words and, but, and or immediately points to a parallel, or consistent, relationship among ideas in both grammar and concept, yet writers from all disciplines often miss this key idea. In overlooking parallel structure, these professionals lose precision, clarity, and concision. Here are instances I have come across from writers in these fields.

1. A project manager: We need to meet with the contractor and discuss the revised critical path method.

The and in this 14-word sentence joins two actions, meet and discuss. Often, the second action is the only one that matters, as this 12-word sentence shows:

We need to discuss the revised critical path method with the contractor.

2. A scientist: We will use single-cell genetic approaches and determine the role of postsynaptic GABAB receptors.

In this sentence, the parallel that and draws between use and determine overstates the goal as an accomplished fact. The scientist actually wants to determine by means of using. The following accurate sentence shows the true relationship between use and determine by dropping and:

We will use single-cell approaches to determine the role of postsynaptic GABAB receptors.

3. An attorney: The plaintiff did not file a formal complaint, and the charge is without merit.

The writer misses the cause-effect relationship, as shown below:

The charge lacks merit since the plaintiff did not file a formal complaint.

4. An accountant: Our audit will include a review of documents, management interviews, and we will tour the facility.

This sentence fails to join the three aspects of the audit in grammatically parallel terms. The more balanced sentence below does with a consistent adjective-noun arrangement:

Our audit will include a document review, management interviews, and a facility tour.

5. A doctor: The patient has no allergies to medication but to fish.

A reader could quickly lose the meaning of this sentence since but does not join two balanced phrases. A better sentence would be the following:

The patient is not allergic to any medication, but she is allergic to fish.

My point is that we are all apt to miss the parallel imperative that and, but, and or impose on our writing, so we should be on the lookout for these little words when editing.