I Did Not Say That, Part 4: Fragments

A fragment is not a complete sentence and, therefore, a grammatical error because it lacks a subject, a predicate, or both. A subject and a predicate are both necessary to form a standard sentence. Here are examples of a correct sentence followed by three incorrect fragments:

Standard sentence: When Henry arrives, the meeting will begin.   

Fragment, lacking subject: When Henry arrives, will begin.

Fragment, lacking predicate: When Henry arrives, the meeting.

Fragment, lacking subject and predicate: When Henry arrives.

Although we learned in school not to write fragments and our managers admonish us to write complete sentences, excellent writers frequently write them. Here is an example of breaking the standard sentence rule by the brilliant writer, Joan Didion, in her 2005 book The Year of Magical Thinking (page 128): 

I  remember learning at UCA the names of many tests and scales. The Kimura Box Test. The Two-Point Discrimination Test. The Glasgow Coma Scale, the Glasgow Outcome Scale.

The first sentence is fine, the next two are fragments and the last is a comma splice, also a nonstandard sentence we have been taught to avoid. So why do writers as great as Didion and their editors allow these fragments? For many reasons, including impact, rhythm, and variety. (The previous sentence is a fragment!) I do not tell people to never write them, but to use them only when their best judgment tells them a fragment works better than a complete sentence. If you've ever written in an email Thanks instead of I thank you, or Received instead of I received your attachment, or Done instead of We have completed the task, then you are writing fragments that most reasonable readers would say are preferable to their longer, correct counterparts.

While a carefully considered fragment may have its place in professional writing for the sake of brevity, we should avoid writing fragments like these:

Opening fragment: In response to your inquiry. (Prefer I am responding to your inquiry.)

Mid-message fragment: Consequently, falling behind schedule. (Prefer Consequently, the project is falling behind schedule.) 

Closing fragment: Questions, 1-732-718-3361. (Prefer If you have questions, call 1-732-718-3361.)

If you are not sure of whether to write a sentence or a fragment, then write a sentence. That's what I said.

I Did Not Say That, Part 3: Ideas vs. Verbiage

In a writing workshop,  I might give a sentence like the one below instructing students to eliminate unnecessary words without changing the writer's intention:

I am writing this email to inform you that you are required to stop conducting your investigation right away on a temporary basis due to the fact that Jefferson is taking a position of not being cooperative in response to your interview. (42 words)

Here is the suggested solution to this editing exercise:

You must immediately discontinue investigating until Jefferson cooperates with your interview. (11 words)

Of course, we do not need the false start, I am writing this email, to understand the sentence. Other longwinded phrases are replaceable by single words (are required = must, conducting your investigation = investigating, right away = immediately, due to the fact that = because,  not being cooperative = noncooperative). Still other phrases mean nothing in the context (is taking a position of, in response to). We also can find ways of implying the meaning with fewer words (until Jefferson cooperates implies well enough that Jefferson is not cooperating and that the discontinuation is temporary). 

Some students miss the point of this exercise by dropping words necessary to the meaning, such as temporarily or immediately, which would change the writer's intent. For this reason, I make a point of discussing the differences among revising, editing, and proofreading, which we should do in this order:

• Revising – a matter of content and structure, when we move, add, or delete ideas to support our point and address the reader's concerns (purposefulness, completeness, organization).
• Editing – a matter of style, when we change the expression of language to best express our intention (courtesy, clarity, conciseness, correctness).  
• Proofreading – a matter of detecting overlooked errors (layout, typos). 

By the time we edit, we should have already determined what goes into the message; we are merely finessing the language, massaging the expression. People mistake my saying delete unnecessary words by eliminating ideas essential to the meaning of the sentence. If it adds value, keep it in; if it does not, out it goes.

I Did Not Say That, Part 2: "To Be"

When I suggest using action verbs in place of being verbs for greater clarity, I am not saying to never use being verbs. As I mentioned in a previous WORDS ON THE LINE post, being verbs (e.g., am, are, is, was, were, be, being, been) have their place in excellent writing. We need to use to be in continuous tense, as in I am running for mayor, or in general statements where a copulative will do, such as She is an engineer or He is Australian.

Nevertheless, using action verbs makes our writing more precise, more clear. Let's revisit those three to be examples in the previous paragraph. Instead of writing I am running for mayor, I can make am running a noun and find a more exact action verb, such as By running for mayor, I plan to transform our town into a more economically vibrant community. Rather than write She is an engineer, I could choose the more informative She graduated from Cornell University with an industrial engineering degree. And I can skip past the man's national identity (He is Australian) toward a more purposeful He lives in Australia but works for a Chinese company. 

I raise the action-verb-over-being-verb issue because we tend toward laziness as writers when over-relying on ambiguous being verbs. So here's the tip: Substitute being verbs for action verbs, unless you are sure that the being alternative is just what you want to say.

I Did Not Say That, Part 1: Passive Voice

Sometimes we should record ourselves when giving writing advice. Over the years, I have heard some disturbing compliments from people who took one or more of my writing workshops. What they said showed me that they did not understand the teaching point. In other words, I did not get the job done. That hurts. I am devoting a dozen posts on these teaching points to set the record straight.

Compliment: "Thanks to you, I never use passive voice."

Reality: I have never told anyone to never use passive voice. The people who have claimed I have either do not know the difference between active and passive voice despite my having taught it to them, or they do not mean never.

Intention: I have written a lot about passive voice in my book The Art of On-the-Job Writing and on this blog. I know the value of passive voice, so I would not tell writers to never use it. Nevertheless, using passive voice could cause ambiguity, wordiness, or awkwardness, and using active voice could create clarity, conciseness, and fluency. For these reasons, I do tell students (1) to know the difference between active and passive voice, (2) to prefer active voice, and (3) to practice transposing passive voice to active voice and vice-versa.  

The posts in this blog on passive voice (type "passive voice" in the search bar) should prove useful if you need help in this area. 

Plagiarism Detection Services from a Friend of WORDS ON THE LINE

My mantra as a writing trainer is this: stay fresh. Update your writing skillset by practicing the craft, reading diversely, and researching new ideas in rhetoric. This approach will keep you at the top of your game. You can imagine how delighted I am when I see one of my students in a writing course or readers of this blog heeding this advice. That's why Maja Ampov made my today so cool. 

I probably was wondering whether anyone was reading my posts when I wrote more than nine years ago about the value of using a plagiarism detection service since the editors and professors who read your submissions do. But today I received an email from Maja proving that lifelines are all over the internet. She thanked me for that post but went two giant steps further by 1) independently researching plagiarism detection services and 2) contacting me about her findings. She wrote, 

While this tool you mentioned works great, I got curious and started looking for other options and I came across this article (with) a list of similar tools: https://www.websiteplanet.com/blog/best-plagiarism-checking-tools/

What I like the most about this article is their honesty and objectiveness when choosing/ranking the best and more accurate plagiarism check tools available out there, in addition, they suggested a few free tools, so it’s great for someone who would want to try it.

Maja recommended I add her suggestion to WORDS ON THE LINE and concluded with the most beautiful complimentary closing I've ever read:

In hope I helped back,

Maja

Oh did you ever, Maja. A big thanks to you!

BOOK BRIEF: We Become Our Losses

Loss and Grief: Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals, edited by Matthew Loscalzo and Marshall Forstein, coedited by Linda A. Klein. Oxford University Press, 2022. 243 pp.

While each of us experiences loss and grief uniquely and permanently, its universality should bind us. This premise is the guiding light of Loss and Grief: Personal Stories of Doctors and Other Healthcare Professionals. The 20 authors, ranging from doctors, nurses, and psychiatrists to social workers, pharmaceutical representatives, and attorneys, argue their own professional expertise did not adequately prepare, support, or console them during their own tragedies, and their colleagues’ help during their ordeal was marginal at best and nonexistent at worst. Therein lies the power of this book: Even the most apparently objective, calculating medical professional is human with all the frailties and limitations that go with it. Emotional and mental pain is impossible to eradicate from the memory, indeed from our everyday conduct, but we are not alone in our suffering.

The riveting accounts in this volume reveal the storytellers’ reactions to their personal tragedies at every stage of the grief spectrum. Some lost a parent, others a brother, and others a spouse. Some struggled with their own battle against cancer. One lost two sons in their childhood to a rare neurologic disorder. Another’s loss was his childhood at the hands of an abusive stepfather and complicit by beloved mother. Some shared these moments with significant others and adult children, and some were too young or geographically removed to fully understand what was occurring during their life-changing event. Some stories start in childhood, some at the beginning of an illustrious career, some at their professional peak, and others in their dotage. But no time seems opportune to brace oneself against the ravages of losing an important part of one’s life.

What we read over and again throughout these well-written tales is that any life, regardless how damaged or successful, is forever altered by loss, and the grieving process shapes the survivor’s identity. Indeed, moving through the chapters of Loss and Grief will compel readers to reflect about their own losses. Painful though they are and impossible to ultimately transcend, they offer a powerful reminder to cherish life, family, and friendship. This book helps us to better understand ourselves.

Knowing Your Reader, Part 2: Informing vs. Persuading

Notice the language the writer uses in the instructions below.

To use the system, follow these steps:

1. Click on this link.

2. Click new user.

3. Use your company email address to create a user name.

4. Enter a password as instructed.

5. Complete the two-step verification process as instructed.

6. Log in using your new user name and password.

Not a shred of kindness appears in the message. There is no please in the lead-in to the list or in any of the steps, but this style is precisely what the reader wants. Don't beat around the bush; just get me into the system. Users are not looking for sweet talk; they want to act. 

Let's look at an entirely different example.

Our recent decision to establish a nine-month hiring freeze will significantly reduce operating expenses, 5% this fiscal year and 9% next fiscal year. These savings are in line with the budgetary results leadership is seeking. The freeze should not affect administrative operations; in fact, it will spur enduring operational efficiencies, leading to further rewards.

Production, the heart of our business, will not fare as well. Production staff turnover is 50% greater than administration on the east coast and as high as 90% higher west of the Mississippi. Even a one-month freeze can have an adverse impact on our responsiveness to customer orders.

The writer seems to be taking a position against the companywide hiring freeze, particularly as it affects the production department. Then why bother writing the first paragraph, which seems to support the decision? Because he wants to give leadership credit where it is due and give herself greater credibility. By saying the company decided wisely, she is trying to persuade the executives to be openminded about what comes in the second paragraph. Persuasive writing is all about anticipating objections and making concessions.