A One-Syllable Story

In a Writing for the Web course that I teach for the American Management Association, participants learn a lot about writing by drafting a one-syllable story. The rules are simple. Write on any topic you like as long as each word, excluding proper nouns, is only one syllable. What they appreciate about the exercise is its reminder to keep things simple and clear. If you can't express it in a plain language, you can't express it. 

Below is an example of a single-syllable 400-word story. Have fun reading it, and write one of your own  just for the joy of it.

Two Dropped Dates

What a drag. Stuck in The Bronx with no date. I just woke up to find out that Jane won't be here as planned. I cleaned the house spic and span and cooked a great meal, hot dogs, pork and beans, and French fries, and I had a fine red wine good to go. I was so beat from all this prep time that I dozed off as soon as I sat on the couch. Then the phone rings and wakes me up. It was Jane. She says she hit a snag on her way up to my place, some tale of woe, her car broke down and she was stuck with it at the Czar Pop Car Shop and don't ask to pick her up since she needs the car as soon as she leaves, so how sad to say she won't make it. So she kills me four times: first with that shock out of my sleep, then with her no show, then that song and dance about the car, and to boot that lie about how sad she was.

Please. I don't buy her yarn for a beat. Give me a break. If she had her heart on me, she would have found a way to get here. But I'm not one to beg or twist your arm when you want to do your own thing. Go. See if I care. As if I don't know that she's got her eyes on Jim. I know when he moved back from Maine that's all that was on her mind. You go for that long hair, that bling in his ear and stud in his tongue, that tall, slim type. Who cares if he ain't got a job? What's it to you if he gets rough with his hands? So what if he'll slip out of your life the first time you're down on your luck?

Well, that's fine by me. Cause you know what, Jane? I know the boss at the Czar Pop Car Shop and he owes me one. So his tow truck guy found Jane's car in front of her house and tried to jack it all the way back to Maine, but oops, the car fell off the hook and slid down the Bronx Creek. Too bad. No way they'll hook up. I guess that's three of us with no date on this spring night. 

Update: Websites for Writers

Here is a long awaited update of useful websites for writers:

• Internet Public Library - This site is must if you are looking for information on a vast array of subjects, including arts and humanities; business and economics; education; law, government and politics; and a host of other topics.  You'll find the reference section especially helpful.
• Library of Congress - The ultimate institution dedicated to cultivating the knowledge of people worldwide, the Library of Congress makes available online an endless collection of digital articles, many of them otherwise rare. Check out its Global Gateway to connect to materials beyond the USA. The print and photograph catalog is quite a treat for capturing a writer's imagination. For instance, the Ansel Adams photographs of Japanese-American internment in California during World War II.
• MIT Writing Courses -  The Massachusetts Institute of Technology offers free writing courses through its OpenCourseWare program. For starters, download and study the materials of Communicating in Technical Organizations or Communicating in Cyberspace. 

If you don't find what you're looking for, you can always browse the writers' websites WORDS ON THE LINE has collected over the past eight years.

BOOK REVIEW: Zen in the Art of Writing

English poet Stephen Spender described the writing process of his fellow poets as of the Mozartian (planners) or Beethovian (discoverers) mode, meaning that Mozartians tend to create a path or structure for what they will draft, while Beethovians figure out the path during drafting, as they go along. Reading “Zen in the Art of Writing” reveals that Ray Bradbury possessed a healthy balance of both approaches. Like a Mozartian, he was constantly searching for connections between his experiences and writing; like a Beethovian, he drafted relentlessly as evidenced by his prolific output of short stories, novels, plays, screenplays, teleplays, and juvenilia over a career spanning more than seventy years.

Through anecdotes, quips, and aphorisms in 9 essays and 7 prose-poems over 158 highly readable pages, Bradbury proffers advice to novice writers to encourage them in their writing process and continued development. Here are some gems:

“The first thing a writer should be is—excited. He should be a thing of fevers and enthusiasms.” (page 4)

“Read poetry every day of your life. Poetry is good because it flexes muscles you don’t use often enough. Poetry expands the sense and keeps them in prime condition.” (page 39)

“Read those writers who write the way you hope to write, who think the way you would like to think. But also read those who do not think as you think or write as you want to write, and so be stimulated in directions you might not take for many years.” (page 41)  

“Quantity gives experience. From experience alone can quality come. All arts, big and small, are the elimination of waste motion in favor of concise declaration. The artist learns what to leave out.” (page 131)

“Imitation is natural and necessary to the beginning writer.” (page 136)

When one of the most influential writers of the twentieth century speaks about himself and his work, aspiring writers or curious readers should pay attention. If they do, they will be able to dip into Zen in the Art of Writing for many points of inspiration.

Great Post of Writers on Writing

I often recommend that aspiring writers read reflections on writing by successful ones. A good way to get a taste of what I mean is to read these 22 quotes from 22 celebrated authors posted at The Chive. They're all good, notably the funniest, not surprisingly, from Mark Twain; one that I have always maintained about the need to read and write from Stephen King; a reminder about the value of rewriting by Ernest Hemingway's reminder that even great writers rewrite; and G.K. Chesterton's advice on how to handle criticism.

A Grammar Cop Throws the Book at Job Prospects

An article by iFixit CEO Kyle Wiens in The Harvard Business Review assures us that we need good grammar if we are to work for him. Mr. Wiens requires job applicants to take a grammar test, which he calls his "litmus test" in deciding whether to hire them. And he makes a good argument for us to believe that his standards are shared by many hiring managers when he writes:

Grammar signifies more than just a person's ability to remember high school English. I've found that people who make fewer mistakes on a grammar test also make fewer mistakes when they are doing something completely unrelated to writing—like stocking shelves or labeling parts. ... I hire people who care about those details. Applicants who don't think writing is important are likely to think lots of other (important) things also aren't important.

Many practical tips on grammar and usage appear in The Art of On-the-Job Writing.

Good Grammar Remains a Hot Issue

For the past 28 years, I have heard executives and managers tell me how they cringe when their employees abuse Standard English rules. Needless to say, those complaints increased as email grew in popularity and have become even louder as smartphones allowed us  to text on the run. The Wall Street Journal reminds us of this common managerial grievance in a recent article.

Some organizations go so far as screening all staff emails to clients before approving their release. Others authorize only a select few employees to write directly to clients. Still others that do not have such a luxury of limiting external communication to a chosen few applies the sensible approach of requiring all important documents to undergo peer review to detect overlooked errors in grammar, diction, punctuation, and capitalization.

Of the many courses that I offer to companies, my Business Grammar workshop has generated the most interest recently. In fact, the American Management Association asked me last year to design its first AMA's Business Grammar Workshop and this year to adapt it as a live online version.

Unquestionably, writers' attention to grammar reflects their attention to detail, so grammar still does matter.

Punctuation Pointers, Part 4: Capitalize after a Colon?

You will not find unanimous opinion on whether to capitalize the first word of an independent clause following a colon. An excellent online resource, which I've recommended on this blog before, The Guide to Grammar and Writing by Capital Community College, Hartford, Connecticut, suggests that you should capitalize in certain cases, yet this contradictory example sentence appears on its explanation:

There is only one thing left to do now: confess while you still have time.

But if you read the rest of the post, you'll get a sensible explanation of its use. By the way, I do capitalize independent clauses following colons and do not capitalize dependent clauses following colons. Examples:

Remember this: You must work hard to achieve your goals.

Remember to bring the following items: ID card, enrollment confirmation, and flash drive.