Getting to the Point: Two Angles

What do people mean when they say they want their work-related writing to get to the point? Do they want to state an idea in the fewest possible words while maintaining syntactic control of the sentence (conciseness)? Or do they want their message to start with the central point (purposefulness)? I hope they mean both but with a bias toward the latter. Let's look at examples of each.

Conciseness: Expressing in the Fewest Possible Words
Assume a message starts with the following central point:

Wordy (31 words): In order for us to achieve substantial completion by the due date for Project XYZ, I recommend that the firm consider hiring an additional worksite supervisor no later than June 1.

The 21-word sentence below keeps the meaning of the wordier original. It eliminates the unnecessary or wordy prepositional phrases In order, for us, and by the due date, the weak hedge verb consider, the egocentric I recommend, and the overwrought phrase no later than. Incidentally, we cannot eliminate substantial because substantial completion means something contractually different from total completion. At 43% fewer words, this sentence is preferable: 

Concise (21 words): To achieve on-time substantial completion for Project XYZ, the firm should hire an additional worksite supervisor by June 1.

Purposefulness: Starting with the Central Point
But writing to the point is much more than writing in the fewest possible words. It requires an audience focus. Two ideas emerge in this example:

• the to, or, reader benefit – To achieve on-time substantial completion for Project XYZ
• the do, or, writer expectation – the firm should hire an additional worksite supervisor by June 1.

Depending on our audience, we can write the sentence two ways, starting with the more deferential reader benefit or with the more assertive writer expectation:

• Deferential (16 words): The firm will achieve on-time substantial completion by hiring an additional worksite supervisor by Jane 1.
• Assertive (13 words): Hiring an additional worksite supervisor by June 1 will achieve on-time substantial completion.

Either way we are writing to the point.