Focus Your Purpose, Part 1: Start with the Most Important Point

Look at this typical inspection report from a project manager to a contractor:

Our inspection of the construction site detected three performance deficiencies:

• The work area was not secured from public access.
• The workers are not wearing proper personal protective equipment.
• The supervisor was not on site during the work.

Please correct these problems by tomorrow morning. 

When I ask experts in this field to highlight the most important word in the message, they unanimously agree it is correct. Then why not start there:

Please correct three performance deficiencies at the construction site that our inspection detected:

• securing the work area from public access
• requiring workers to wear proper personal protective equipment
• deploying an on-site supervisor during the work

We will reinspect the premises tomorrow morning to ensure your compliance.

I explain that their standard method (the first draft) is perfectly logical—chronological. But the contractor's job is to correct deficiencies, so inspectors should think hierarchically, beginning with the most important point. That's what we mean by getting to the point: starting not what we think, but our reader's think, is the most important point.

Overusing "I"? Think Again

It is recommended that the compressor be replaced for production to be increased and maintenance reduced.

That kind of sentence is a good example of bad writing: 4 passive verbs (is recommended, be replaced, to be increased, and reduced) in 16 words where an active voice sentence of 10 words will do: 

We recommend compressor replacement to increase production and reduce maintenance.

This blog has reflected plenty on voice: in a ten-part series, in a general discussion of style, and in a post about plain language, so I won't repeat those points here, other than to say active is usually more clear, concise, and fluent than passive. 

Technical writers often object to this point, arguing that they need to use passive voice to avoid using personal pronouns like I, we, you, he, and she, and they. 

I will counter this lame excuse by recommending they rewrite the sentence in one of these two ways:

1. Quality Assurance recommends compressor replacement to increase production and reduce maintenance.
2. Replacing the compressor will increase production and reduce maintenance.  

The 11-word first draft credits the group making the recommendation without drawing attention to one individual; the 9-word second draft completely depersonalizes the message while still making the point. Both sentences use active voice.

So, yes, consider whether you're overusing personal pronouns, but don't necessarily revert to passive voice.

700th Post for WORDS ON THE LINE: Thank you, Mr. Edison

On January 4, 2005, I posted my first blog entry. Now, 700 posts and 4,268 days later, WORDS ON THE LINE continues as a resource for effective writing at home, school, or work. 

After 11-plus years of reporting new ideas while maintaining a writing consulting business, developing my own creative work, and loving my family, I must agree with the Thomas Edison aphorism, "Genius is 1 percent inspiration, 99 percent perspiration." I do not pretend that this blog is a work of genius, but I do say that it's all about the work. 

Three other Edison quotes come to mind:

• "We don't know a millionth of 1 percent about anything." True, and the quicker we believe that, the harder we will work.
• "Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits." Indeed, don't just sit there; keep learning and applying what you've learned. The benefits will surely follow.
• "I never did a day's work in my life; it was all fun." With a mindset that writing is playing with words, writers will never work a day in their life. I admit I struggle with writing, but it's a struggle I enjoy.

Concept Mapping: Another Way to Get Started

In an earlier post, I mentioned mind mapping as a way to jumpstart the writing process. A related technique is the concept map, a technique for visualizing the relationship among concepts. Writers can use it as means of structuring the ideas of their message.

When I ask students to use either a mind map or a concept map as a planning technique for a writing assignment, they use one of three things: a mind map, a concept map, or a hybrid of both. So whatever works for you, use or adapt the technique to generate ideas for your next complicated writing project.