Found Around—Random Writing Tip 5: Start with What Matters!

Consider this sentence:

If the inspector confirms a structural flaw in the building, she should immediately contact the project manager to solve the problem with the contractor.

This 24-word sentence seems simple enough to understand for an inspector, project manager, or contractor. It is logical, actually chronological: first the inspector confirms a structural flaw, then she contacts the project manager, and then the project manager solves the problem with the contractor. Writers need to know the importance of chronological order in certain types of business messages, such as narratives, processes, instructions, histories, incident descriptions, and root-cause analyses.

But chronology is not the only way to convey ideas. Business writing is about action. We need people to do things that move the business forward. For instance, your manager might want you to report on an industrywide conference. At that event, you attend four sessions, in this order: 

1. New Reporting Requirements for the Industry Regulator 
2. Industry Trends in Staff Recruiting 
3. Breaking Communication Protocols for Social Networking 
4. Transferring Technology from the Laboratory to Your Business

Your likely organizational pattern in this situation would not be chronological but hierarchical—what matters most to your manager. She would not care when you attended what but what you learned that can affect the business.

We can apply this same principle to writing sentences. In the opening sentence, three actions are explicit (the inspector confirms a structural flaw, she immediately contacts the project manager, and the project manager and contractor solve the problem), and one action is implicit, (the project manager and contractor collaborate). Some writers might think the collaboration is as obvious as the fact that the inspector had to perform an inspection to confirm the structural flaw. They may be right, but they would not be if collaboration has been a problem in the contract management. If we start with what matters, we have numerous options, depending on our mindset. Here are some, starting with the original:

1. If the inspector confirms a structural flaw in the building, she should immediately contact the project manager to solve the problem with the contractor. (The inspector confirmation seems most important.)
2. The inspector should immediately contact the project manager about confirmed structural flaws in the building for resolution with the contractor. (The immediate contact seems most important.)
3. The project manager and the contractor should solve building structural flaws confirmed by the inspector. (The problem-solving seems most important.)
4. The project manager should collaborate with the contractor on solving building structural flaws confirmed by the inspector. (The collaboration seems most important.)

My preference would be number 3, but I am not an inspector, project manager, or building contractor, so you make the choice by starting with what matters. I would not be surprised if you created a fifth, sixth, or twentieth option.