Grammatical Guidelines, Part 1: Making Verbs Parallel

I’ve been getting a lot grammar questions lately, so I’ll close the year with my responses to recent client questions. Here is the first in the series:



Hello Phil,

Which of these two sentences do you prefer?

Mr. Dennis Emory, Executive Vice-president, noted that there were 17 nursing vacancies in prenatal care because 9 of them went to field placements, 5 of them were promoted, 2 of them left for the ICU and 1 left for the Burn Unit.

or

Mr. Dennis Emory, Executive Vice-president, noted that there were 17 nursing vacancies in prenatal care because 9 went to field placements, 5 were promoted, 2 left for the ICU and 1 left for the Burn Unit.

Thanks,
Mahalia



I’m sure that Mahalia and someone else at the office were engaging in a heated battle over who had the superior style. While the second one is better because of its conciseness, it still needs more parallel form among its verbs. My response:



Dear Mahalia,

Both sentences are unclear and awkward because their verbs lack parallel structure. Here is an improvement:

Mr. Dennis Emory, Executive Vice-president, noted 17 nursing vacancies because 9 staff went to field placements, 5 received promotions, 2 transferred to the ICU, and 1 left for the Burn Unit.

Good luck!
Phil


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