Improving Style Through Syntax, Part 1: Grouping and Dropping Prepositional Phrases

This post begins a 20-part series on syntax in cultivating a strong writing style. In the context of writing, as opposed to the more formal and technical study of linguistics, syntax is the arrangement of words, phrases, and clauses to make a meaningful sentence. Through this series, you will reap two benefits: improving your style, which will heighten the quality of your written messages; and learning about grammar, which will give you a deeper understanding of English. 

I will follow this series with another 20-part series on sharpening your style through diction (word choice).

***

We can often, but not always, combine consecutive prepositional phrases. Consider these four examples:

1. I will vacation in China for pleasure.
2. I went on vacation to China.
3. In the month of September, I will vacation in China.
4. I will vacation in the south of China. 

1. In the sentence I will vacation in China for pleasure, I cannot combine the two prepositional phrases to China and for pleasure. Doing so would destroy the intention of my meaning and yield these nonsensical results: 

I will vacation in pleasurable China.

I will vacation for Chinese pleasure.

2. In the sentence I went on vacation in China, I can combine the prepositional phrases on vacation and in China and still make sense, but not without changing the meaning:

I went on a Chinese vacation. 

This sentence might imply a type of vacation as opposed to a vacation in a specific place.

3. In the sentence In the month of September, I will travel to China, I have the two prepositional phrases in the month and of September, one of which I can easily drop without losing meaning:

In September, I will vacation in China.

4. In the sentence I will vacation in the south of China, I can easily group the prepositional phrases in the south and of China:

I will vacation in southern China.

Now let's look at a paragraph with many useless prepositional phrases:

At some time in the morning on Monday, Kim, the manager of the office, needs to meet with Bob, the new employee, to talk about expectations for his job. She will start in the morning by giving him a tour of the facility for him to get familiar with his work environment. After the walk-through, she will talk about the policies of the company and then provide him with a book of procedures for his job responsibilities.

We can reduce this 77-word paragraph to 47 words—a 39 percent cut— just by grouping and dropping prepositional phrases:

Sometime Monday morning, Kim, the office manager, will meet Bob, the new employee, to discuss job expectations. She will start with a facility tour to familiarize him with his work environment. Then she will discuss company policies and give him a procedural book for his job responsibilities.

Look for consecutive prepositional phrases; they often offer opportunities to edit for conciseness.