On Writing for the Web, Part 4: Editing for Conciseness

To close this four-part series on writing for the web, let's review the first three parts: first, analyze your audience; second, address your audience's concerns; and third, start with the points most important to your audience. This last installment covers editing for conciseness, because you don't want to waste your audience's time.

1. Remove repetitive ideas. Repetition can be helpful when speaking to drive points home and stimulate retention, but it is less valuable when writing. Here is a repetitive passage I saw in a company's intranet:

Thanks for your generous contributions to our fundraising campaign. We appreciate your thoughtful donations. (14 words)

Both sentences have the same meaning, so the delete the second one:

Thanks for your generous contributions to our fundraising campaign. (9 words) 

 Here's another one from a company's website:

We are concerned about your security, and our latest XYZ technology will ensure your data is secure 24/7. (18 words)

Did you pick up the repetitive security and secure clauses? You have a few choices here, but I'll keep them to two:

Our latest XYZ technology will address your security concerns 24/7. (10 words)

Your data will be secure with our latest XYZ technology. (10 words)  

2. Undo unnecessary words and phrases. Some words add value and others simply do not in a given context. If you were comparing the current system with the proposed system, the adjectives current and proposed matter for clear contrast and parallel form. But we nearly never need the adverb currently, as in:

I am currently completing the analysis. (6 words)

The continuous tense am completing takes care of currently:

I am completing the analysis. (5 words)  

Some phrases exist apparently just to sound important, but discerning readers know they add zero value:

In the year 2019, the S&P 500 rose up by 30.43%. (11 words)

In 2019, the S&P 500 rose 30.43% (7 words)

We know 2019 is a year in the context of the sentence and rising obviously goes up. Even the preposition by seems unnecessary to a fluent speaker. Notice the huge real estate wasters in this next example: 

Please be advised that in the month of July, 14th Street between First Avenue and Second Avenue will be closed to vehicular traffic. (23 words)

In July, 14th Street between First and Second Avenues will be closed to vehicles. (14 words)

Four blunders appear in this sentence: 1) Whenever we write anything, we are advising our readers, so we don't need to tell them we are. 2) Readers needs no reminder that July is a month. 3) Avenue can be changed to Avenues to cover First and Second. 4) Logic dictates that if vehicles can't enter the area, neither can traffic. Here's another example more common in email:     

My name is Philip Vassallo. I am writing to let you know that it was brought to my attention that at this point in time we are not monitoring the area on a day-to-day basis. (35 words)

We are no longer monitoring the area daily. (8 words)

Is this example an exaggeration? Maybe, but I still see all those unnecessary phrases in email:

• I don't need to introduce myself, as my name and title are in my signature block, and if I don't have a complete signature block, I should. 
• I am writing is a false start. In fact, it is inaccurate because by the time you are reading this message, I am not writing it.
• To let you know that is another way of saying the useless please be advised that.
• The passive voice it was brought to my attention adds the unhelpful idea of someone telling me rather than what I need to tell you.
• At this point in time falls under the same category as currently, only worse with the extra words, because of the continuous tense are not monitoring.
• On a day-to-day basis is not a more important way of saying daily, as some writers claim; it is just more verbose.

3. Trash trite transitions. (Say that five times fast!) Many high school composition teachers would say I am committing a sin by calling for the elimination of transitions. But too often such transitions are painfully obvious at best and intelligence insults at worst. Here are three cases in point of disposable transitions:

As you know, economic indicators are showing increases in nearly every sector of the global economy. What this means is that the worldwide recession is finally reversing after nearly a decade of stagnation. In summary, investors are looking for aggressive growth funds.

People say they write as you know for those readers who know whatever they are writing about, or to let those who do not know it realize they should. Then why say it? This is not too deep a question. The clause is unjustifiable.

What this means that attempts to show a causal relationship between two sentences. Again, readers will usually understand the relationship without what this means that, in effect, or as a result. See if inserting any on those three phrases between the sentences below would bring greater clarity to them. I think not:

• Last year we closed our California production facility. We no longer have a presence on the West coast. 
• Sales have decreased by 5 percent year over year. The CEO has bolstered our sales team to reverse this decline. 

Finally, the phrases in summary and in conclusion are generally lame ways of wrapping up a discussion. We know it's in summary: the phrase starts the last sentence or paragraph.

Making every word matter is vital to online writers who want their readers to capture their message. Employing these three tips, as well as those in the previous three installments of this series, will go a long way toward achieving that goal.