Improving Style Through Diction, Part 2: I Ain't Buying Ain't Ain't a Word

What is the fascination with ain't? Why ain't ain't a standard English word? Let me tell you, whoever made up ain't was on to something sensible.

Let's back up a minute. You might have noticed that we can contract common personal pronouns with the being verb in the present tense (I'm, we're, you're, he's, she's, it's, they're) and in the future tense (I'll, we'll, you'll, he'll, she'll, it'll, they'll), but not in the past tense. While our standard language does allow for contracting negatives with being verbs in the past tense (wouldn't) and future tense (won't), it does not completely allow for it in the present tense (yes to we, you, or they aren't and to he, she, or it isn't, but no to I amn't). There just ain't a word for that one, if you follow my meaning. What a headache this causes for speakers and writers craving consistency in their language. No wonder some linguistic genius made up ain't.  

But language ain't, I mean isn't, logical. Of course, I'm used to this inconsistency, so I avoid it in professional speech and writing, but I still use it to be playful (e.g., It ain't gonna happen) or to replicate common speech (e.g., She said, "It ain't my job"). But I still ain't using ain't in formal communication.